Comparing Yourself to Others: Understanding, Recognizing, Changing

In our daily lives, we constantly evaluate who we are, what we are worth, and what we do well—often by referring to others. This natural process, known as social comparison, influences our thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and psychological well-being.

What is social comparison?

Social comparison is a fundamental psychological process through which individuals evaluate their opinions, abilities, and personal value by comparing themselves to others. This concept was originally formulated by Leon Festinger (1954), who suggested that when objective evaluation is not possible, people tend to rely on others to assess their own position on a given criterion.

According to this theory, there are two main types of comparison:

• Upward comparison: comparing oneself to people perceived as “better” or more competent, which can stimulate ambition but may also generate frustration or feelings of inferiority.
• Downward comparison: comparing oneself to people perceived as less advantaged or less competent, which can temporarily enhance self-esteem but may also lead to complacency.

Why do we compare ourselves to others?

Social comparison serves several psychological functions:

Self-evaluation
It helps individuals assess their abilities or opinions when objective criteria are lacking. It is a natural form of cognitive regulation that guides self-perception.

Motivation and improvement
Observing what others achieve can stimulate effort and encourage learning and personal growth. Studies show that the presence of slightly higher-performing peers can increase motivation and effort.

Reduction of uncertainty
In times of uncertainty—such as before making an important decision—social comparison provides reference points that help reduce ambiguity regarding one’s abilities or choices.

What are the effects?

Social comparison is neither inherently good nor bad; its effects depend on the context, the direction of comparison, and individual sensitivity.

Possible positive effects

• Self-improvement: upward comparison can serve as an inspiring model.
• Enhanced self-esteem: downward comparison can temporarily strengthen feelings of competence.

Potential negative effects

• Feelings of inadequacy: upward comparisons that feel too distant may lead to frustration, anxiety, or reduced self-esteem.
• Dependence on external standards: excessive focus on others can obscure personal values and result in fragile self-esteem.

Social comparison in contemporary contexts

In environments such as social media, comparison with others is intensified by idealised images of success, beauty, and a “perfect” life. This can reinforce cognitive and emotional biases, contributing to social anxiety or feelings of inferiority.

How to recognise problematic social comparison

• Excessive focus on what others do or possess
• Strong fluctuations in self-esteem depending on others’ performance
• Chronic dissatisfaction despite personal achievements
• Intense emotions (jealousy, shame, discouragement) following comparison

Towards a healthier relationship with comparison

• Refocusing on oneself: identifying personal values rather than external standards
• Differentiating comparison targets: choosing more relevant, realistic, and proximal points of comparison
• Reflecting on emotions: exploring the emotional impact of comparison (regret, envy, inspiration)
• Constructive use: transforming upward comparison into a source of learning rather than a value judgment

In summary

Comparing oneself to others is a normal and automatic process, deeply rooted in the way we think and evaluate the world. However, it can become a source of distress when it becomes excessive or intrusive. A psychologist can help you better understand the mechanisms of social comparison and support you in developing a healthier relationship with yourself, your values, and your aspirations—beyond social mirrors.

If you frequently compare yourself to others and this affects your well-being, you may consider making an appointment to discuss and explore these issues.